(Two-thousand) 1.01

A new comic (God I hate that word) was supposed to go here. However halfway through producing it I realized it was of low quality and lower humor. Plus it was centered around a pun. Ewwww. So in lieu of its absence I shall try to use its space for something funnier or more enlightening. Here goes.

I'm tempted to insert "Sammich Tale Number One" a short story I wrote around three years ago then go do something else. But I like to hold myself to higher standards than that.



Fuck it.
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Sammich Tale Number One
October 20th, 2004

Okay.  So there's this guy walking along the road.  He's just walking along,
minding his own business.  Not a single care in the world whatsoever.  When all of a
sudden, this sandwich jumps out from the shadows.
"Give me all your money!" demands the sandwich.
"I'm not afraid of you.  You're just a sandwich." Replies the man.
"Fool!  I am the Almighty!" shrieks the sandwich.
"Oh yeah?" questions the man.
"Oh yeah" affirms the sandwich.
With that, the man lunges at his mugger.  However, he is quickly impaled upon a
toothpick.  Apparently it was a club sandwich.
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Wait. That gives me an idea.


And now without further adieu...
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Sammich Tale Number Two
January 30th, 2008

Behind every man now alive there stands a hundred sandwiches, for that is the ratio by which the sandwich outnumbers the living. Ever since fate blessed our world and species with life, approximately six-hundred and fifty billion sandwiches have walked the Earth.
Our story begins in Africa, where we would one day call Tanzania. But this is not our story. This is their story...
Alone on the summit of Kilimanjaro there lived a primitive sandwich; with only two slices of whole wheat and one strip of bacon to his composure. Yes he could hardly be considered a culinary masterpiece, but the odds were stacked against him. You see he was the first of his kind. Sandwich Prime.
Prime was a curious sandwich. This day he decided to descend from his summit to see what else there was to his world. As he made his way down to ground level he saw no other life. He thought there must surely be something else out there.
By the sun's apex on the third day, Prime had reached ground level. He gazed off into the horizons all around him to choose his following move. Then he got impaled on a toothpick because apparently he was a club sandwich.
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I'm tired. Deal with it.