Hip Gnosis: Where it's fun to be small.

Still More Adventures in Poetry

2010-03-11T22:24:00.000-08:00

Poetry is
easy
just write sentences
but break
some lines and dont
use any
puncuation

Rhyme Scheme A
Rhyme Scheme B
Rhyme Scheme A
Rhyme Scheme C
Rhyme Scheme B
Rhyme Scheme C

Balls Falls, Dolls and Walls
Trip Slip, Blip Whip
Wham Bam, Ham Jam
Crawl Flip, Hot Damn

Jim Jones Is A Bad rapper

If Barbara Walters
was a tree, do you
think she'd be cut down
in order to print her own book?

The moon represents unity;
or some shit.

I will assure with no compromise
that no one besides myself,
me, moi,
or everyone excluding everyone
will receive credit for
my creations.

Yet more poetry.

2009-11-23T17:52:00.001-08:00

M-This
M-Is
U-America
R-Fuck
I-The
C-Starting
A-Letters

Gettin' there.

2009-05-30T23:42:00.000-07:00

College Checklist

1. Get accepted
2. Send in registration
3. Eat roommate

Maintaing the Status Q

2009-05-28T01:46:00.001-07:00

I'm running out of
ways to keep this thing going
but a promise is
a fucking promise.

I guess I had to find her...

2009-05-27T03:54:00.000-07:00

Heads You Die, Tails I Kill You
Spaghetti, Bullets and the American West

“Nothing is wrong with shooting as long as the right people get shot.”
-Inspector Harry Callahan, Magnum Force (1973).

Of all film genres, the western is by far the most quintessentially American. They are tales of justice, equality, the individual and the frontier. So it usually comes as a surprise to people when they discover that some of the most beloved western movies of all time are actually Italian movies. Though the first of these “spaghetti westerns” (a Japanese invented term3) was a British movie called The Savage Guns (1961), the first one actually worth a damn was the sophomore picture of director Sergio Leone, Fistful of Dollars (1964) starring Clint Eastwood. Leone’s film would help to reenergize “a genre that had run out of steam not just in Italy but in America as well.7”

It was well known by the mid 1960s that the western was in its decline. “This was an audience that was laughing at John Wayne by now.7” So Leone and the filmmakers to follow set out to make movies that “chimed with mid 1960s youth.7”. What came out were movies that in a few words, were unsophisticated and unpretentious. They portrayed society where “law and order does exist... but is impotent in a system where legality is seconded to murder.9” Your standard spaghetti western, starting with Fistful uses a simple Yojimbo style structure; unknown stranger walks into a troubled town, untroubles the troubled down, then leaves to find a new troubled town. This basic plotline was tweaked and interpreted in many ways in decade or so that followed. Director Sergio Corbucci used it to paint hellish portraits of society forsaken by both order and common sense in his movies Django (1966) and especially in what many consider his opus The Great Silence (1968). The reverse is also true. After the runaway success of Enzo Barboni’s They Call me Trinity (1971), many directors used Fistful as a basis to create a long string of comedy films which started a “comedy western craze that swept Italy.10” While on paper most spaghetti westerns may seem identical, the varying levels of violence, cynicism and comedy has helped each one to stand out on its own.

The one contribution of the spaghetti western that is still ringing in the ears of today is its introduction of the action movie anti-hero. “...the Eastwood persona, which has lasted for the last 30, 40 years starts here.7” The days of “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do” and “There’s some things a man can’t ride around” are over. Enter Clint Eastwood. “He’s cynical, he’s stylish... This is kind of a designer cowboy. All you need to know about him is he wears brown boots and everyone else wears black ones. It’s the hero you identify with not because of his beliefs, not because of his values, but because of his style, his personal style.7” While the rules of spaghetti western hero are not written in stone, some things mostly hold true across the board. They don’t have much of a name or a past. They don’t talk. And they could wipe the floor with you.

The names of these heroes are usually short and sweet, if they have one at all. Even though the American marketing campaign of the Leone/Eastwood movies described the hero as “The Man with Know Name”, his name is actually Joe (United Artists would even go so far as to edit out scenes from the movies where he’s referred to by name in order to keep up their ad campaign). Other famous characters of the genre include Ringo, Django, Sartana, Sabata, Silence (from The Great Silence), and Trinity (They Call me Trinity). All short. All easy to remember. All probably not their real names.

Keeping with the mystique, most of these characters rarely spoke or voiced an opinion, making it all the more impacting when they did. This idea was brought to its logical conclusion in The Great Silence where “the main hero is not only close-lipped, he is mute,4” never saying a word the entire movie. This was not a completely artistic decision. Jean-Louis Trintignant (Silence) only agreed to perform in the movie if he didn’t have to learn any lines. This rule of the tight-lipped hero was relaxed somewhat in the early 1970s in They Call me Trinity as a means of allowing the main character to be funny.

Despite the trend of contemporary Hollywood westerns “getting really interested in people’s psychology,7” in the Eastwood character “there’s no inner man.7” “The enigma, the magic, the enchantment of the character is that you don’t know much about him.7” Every so often we’ll get a flashback of the character’s usually tragic past, but only as a means to justify the quintuple homicide about to be committed such as in The Great Silence where we see a young Silence witnessing the murder of his parents by a bounty hunter he is about to perforate. A side effect of this non-psychological approach is it makes the hero seem so calm and distant from whatever’s happening. “He’s a little bit stepped back from the scurry of the action. And then at the ultimate moment he will step forward and resolve the action in a way that is morally satisfying to us.11” This makes our hero, despite how violent they are seem so uncompromised by this “immoral or even amoral universe of dog eat dog. Where all the characters are completely at home with violence.8”

But that all said, the most important facet of the spaghetti western hero is his almost supernatural skill with a gun. In one of the later gunfights in Fistful of Dollars, Eastwood drops five suckers with his pistol before any of them can even draw their guns. The really interesting part of this is if you listen carefully, Eastwood only fires four bullets. “The heroes of these movies are brilliant at technique and technology. That part of their heroism comes from that they are better at shooting than anybody else and they know about weapons.8” Silence also uses a German made semi-automatic Mauser C96 pistol, which in stark contrast is space-age technology compared to the “primitive” single action revolvers of the time. Trinity even showcases some spectacular behind the back trick shooting in his movies. This supernatural feel is most exemplified in the Sartana movies, the first being If You Meet Sartana Pray For Your Death (1968) where the title character is literally the angel of death in the body of an old west James Bond. This idea would eventually make it to America by way of Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter (1973).

The spaghetti western hero is the archetype for what we call today the action hero. The transition would be also immediate when Clint Eastwood returned to the states and starred in Dirty Harry (1971). From there we get Han Solo, John McClane, and The Terminator to name a few. “And the modern action hero begins there... ...It all begins with that moment where the hero stops being a crusader and becomes a style statement. So I’d argue the entire action hero in action cinema begins in 1964 with Fistful of Dollars.7”

The spaghetti western is often accused of killing the myth of the Wild West; some people saying “It had nothing to do with the american west, neither the real or the mythological one.1” Not only do I find this unfair, I find it untrue. The truth is we, America, killed it. It started in the early 1960s with The Misfits (1961) and Hud (1963), two movies about people trying to find the Wild West in the 1960s only to find out it left a long time ago. Within the next decade movies such as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969), The Wild Bunch (1969) and Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid (1973) all feature the Wild West personified as the title characters being brutally murdered with extreme prejudice by a world that’s passed them by. In Pat Garrett, the Wild West personified as Kris Kristofferson is even killed by one of the western’s most enduring icons James Coburn. This is an obvious and profound contrast to Sergio Leone’s Wild West conclusion in Once Upon a Time in the West (1968). Here, the Wild West personified as Charles Bronson, realizing that it has said all it’s needed to say and done all that it needed to do, graciously takes its last bow and steps off stage.

Sergio Leone once said “In my childhood, America was like a religion…2” The Spaghetti western didn’t kill the myth, it just changed the way we saw it. American western movies were made to reflect way that we saw ourselves. The Italian ones were made to to reflect how the rest of the world saw us, for better or for worse. And from the view of the western purists, this was a heavy blow. “They were looked down askance because they so violated the long American tradition of how western stories were told... ...They were breaking all the rules.6”

“That fact that Leone knew jack shit about American geography (according to one of the characters, Chicago is somewhere in the vicinity of Phoenix, Arizona) added to the [The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (1966)]’s sense of magnificent dislocation.5” Watching the movies, it’s clear that no one involved in them had ever been to America, and knew very little about the country. So the historical myth the Americans spent decades creating lost all it’s history, leaving just the myth. Characters use guns that aren’t invented until a decade after the year the film takes place in. Towns that are hundreds of miles away can be reached in a day’s ride. The result is this almost fantasy dreamlike feel where the world literally ends at the edge of the frame. So when somebody says “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us” he means it.

The American western, and its American western hero are inherently tragic and this harks back to the tragic irony of the hero in general. Where they all strive to create a world in which them and their skills are no longer needed or wanted. Shane (1953) and The Searchers (1956) are prime examples of this. The thing is, this doesn’t seem to be an issue in the Italian movies. The Django and Sartana movies have a combined number of sequels that number well over sixty. In this Italian west, there’s always another town over the horizon, there’s always more money to be made and there’s always another bastard who needs a bullet or six in him. In Leone’s Italian west, there’s always a need for a quick gun. This combined with the fantasy feel makes the spaghetti western seem like a Valhalla warrior heaven for the traveling gunslinger. Fistful of Dollars doesn’t end with Clint riding into the hills to lick his wounds like a sucker. He walks out with a sack of cash like he owns the place. They Call me Trinity ends with the title character backing out of his own wedding just because he’s realized he’ll have to work on a farm for the rest of his life. In the spaghetti western no one has to settle down with a family or hang up their pistols or, thank God, find a real job.

By the mid 1970s. the western movie, regardless of national origin had run out of steam. It’s true that westerns are still being made today, but not with the frequency or success of times long ago. But don’t feel sorry for it. The western has accomplished everything it has set out to do. Even the spaghetti westerns that were so looked down upon are now taken “seriously as a form of artistic expression11” forty years later. It is one of the few genres that completely encompasses the mindset, or perceived mindset of an entire nation. Since FDR, only three US Presidents have cited non-western movies as their favorite movies. Two if you count Gone with the Wind (1939) as a western. “America is a nation that believes almost religiously in individualism and self-reliance, the two values that inform every western.1”

Though the western lay dormant, the values they stood for endure in cinema. Dirty Harry always fights for justice, even if the law gets in his way. Thelma & Louise would stop at nothing to find independence and the frontier, even if it killed them. So why after all these years since the western ruled the world do all these ideas still matter? The answer is simple. Because the story of the lone rider, the story of the frontier and the story of standing up for the little guy, no matter where they come from, these are the stories of America.

“You don't understand. People like that have something inside... something to do with death.”
-Cheyenne, Once Upon a Time in the West (1968).

Works Cited
1. Cottam, Chris, dir. Rich Hall's How the West Was Lost. BBC 4. 14 June 2008.
2. Edwards, Daniel. "Sergio Leone." Senses of Cinema. Sept. 2002. May 2009 .
3. A Few Weeks in Spain. Dir. Michael M. Arick. Perf. Clint Eastwood. DVD. 2007.
4. "The Great Silience." Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation. May 2009 .
5. King, Stephen. The Gunslinger. New York: The Penguin Group, 2003.
6. Leone's West. Dir. Michael M. Arick. Perf. Richard Schickel. DVD. 2003.
7. A New Kind of Hero. Dir. Michael M. Arick. Perf. Sir Christopher Frayling. DVD. 2007.
8. A New Standard. Dir. Michael M. Arick. Perf. Sir Christopher Frayling. DVD. 2007.
9. Sutton, Mike. "The Great Silence." DVD Times. 15 Aug. 2004. May 2009 .
10. "They Call Me Trinity." Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation. May 2009 .
11. The Leone Style. Dir. Michael M. Arick. Perf. Richard Schickel. DVD. 2003.

T(r)opical

2009-05-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

How many California supreme court justices does it take to screw in a lightbulb*?

6.

In this business, we like to call it a metaphor.

2009-05-26T01:50:00.000-07:00

SAY! I LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM!
I DO! I LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM!
AND I WOULD EAT THEM IN A BOAT.
AND I WOULD EAT THEM WITH A GOAT...
AND I WILL EAT THEM, IN THE RAIN.
AND IN THE DARK. AND ON A TRAIN.
AND IN A CAR. AND IN A TREE.
THEY ARE SO GOOD, SO GOOD, YOU SEE!
SO I WILL EAT THEM IN A BOX.
AND I WILL EAT THEM WITH A FOX.
AND I WILL EAT THEM IN A HOUSE.
AND I WILL EAT THEM WITH A MOUSE.
AND I WILL EAT THEM HERE AND THERE.
SAY! I WILL EAT THEM ANYWHERE!
I DO SO LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU, SAM A EL!



psst.  It's about death.

Unfounded Criticism at 24 Frames a Second

2009-05-24T02:11:00.000-07:00

Movies I didn't like, and things they could have done to make me like them:

-Iron Man (2008): Don't cut out the only fucking reason I went to see your movie in the first place.

-Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969): Less bike ridey, more shootey.

-Taxi Driver (1976): End the movie 5 minutes earlier; more child hookers.

-Almost Famous (2000): Instead of following the stupid Eagles, follow Iron Fucking Maiden

-Thelma and Louise (1991): Ride more horses; wear more cowboy hats.

-The Dark Knight (2008): Next time use Firefly or Hush.

-Corpse Bride (2005): One word: Polygamy

-Speed Racer (2008): PERFECT. AS. IS.

And then there were an indefinite amount.

2009-05-23T00:33:00.000-07:00

Things I have hanging in my room:

A crowbar
One working clock

Fictional people I hate more than real people

Arsene Lupin

Authors I detest (in order of ascending obesity):

Ernest Hemingway
Ayn Rand
William Yeats
Sylvia Plath*

Good ideas that turned out to be not so good ideas:

Peanut butter and jelly in the same jar
Home offices

Things that don't remind of me of former President-elect Barack Obama

Wesley Willis
That episode of Rugrats where they held a trial to see who broke the clown lamp. It was a cool one except they didn't go into their imaginations enough where the courtroom was real so we had to look at Tommy Pickles wearing a blanket as a judge robe the whole time. What gives?
Ray Bradbury's The Martian Chronicles
Bonita Vista Junior High School

And yet it swivels

2009-05-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

Let’s try a name drop
Of a rapper to boost sales.
Young money Lil’ Wayne.

OH EM GEE it’s like
They film our lives and then they
Put in on T.V!

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
LOL Deconstruction

I’m not restricting my syllables for each
line because I’m an artist and that means I
don’t have to play by your rules also I’m a cunt

H-H + O=O -> 2(H-O-H)
This could work if only it
weren’t so expensive

God is God is God
is God is God is God is
God is God is God

I bought a large pack
of gel pens and I’m yet to
use a goddamned one.

Please I’m no hero.
I was just doing my job.
Which is s***** *o**s

Two kinds of people.
People with loaded guns and
People who should run.

Hello, Nine-One-One
What is your emergency?
Wrong number. Sorry.

The humor comes from
The contrast between the start
And the conclusion.

I’m so self aware
It’s anyone’s guess as to
Why I’m not married.

Hey show business would
it kill you to end a film
With some damn closure?

Women in hardhats.
That’s actually the end.
The rest is filler.

Everything is
Easier once a deadline
Enters the picture.

Go with plan A first
If that doesn’t work, well then...
That’s why there’s plan B.

If there’s no blood in
The hamper. Than probably
No one was killed?

I dropped a stapler.
If only my teeth could have
Held it much tighter.

College checklist

2009-05-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

~~1. Get accepted~~
2. Send in registration
3. Eat roommate

2009-03-09T23:29:00.001-07:00

Harold and Maude is
like the most cutest movie
I have ever seen.

I'm sensing a trend

2009-03-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

These college essays
totally make you come off

as a real dickhead

karma karma kar-
ma karma karma karma
chameleon...shit

Crossfire! You'll get caught
up in the crossfire! You'll get
caught up in it HOO!

So my Dad told me
"Until I improve my marks,
no more Gene Autry."

A page and a half
means three pages over two
to a math junkie.

No I don't know where
the train station is. Why don't
you consult a map?

California love
is just like other love, but
in California.

Coca-Cola is
the only soda-pop that
cleans as it hydrates.

I'll probably put
more of these up tomorrow.
Until then, see ya.

Continued adventures in poetry.

2009-03-03T16:00:00.000-08:00

Steampunks

You know, I'd like you
much more if you'd just wear your
goggles on your eyes.

Why can't you all just
wear trench coats and Doc Martens
like the other goths?

I gaze at you and ask;
is this what you wear when you
go to Taco Bell?

Victorian times
have long since faded to black.
So catch the fuck up.

Do you even have
an engineering degree
to stand behind you?

For all I can see
You're just a coat, top hat and
a stupid eyeglass

Why Victorian?
The Nightmare Before Christmas
hadn't been made yet.

How 'bout an era
where men have walked among stars.
Perhaps the present.

Or a time to come.
where ice cream is free and there's
no Jack the Ripper.

A final statement.
Just one last question before
I bid you adieu.

In the year nineteen
hundred, tell me would you still
look like an asshole?

Notes from San Francisco 2009

2009-03-02T23:30:00.000-08:00

Silly Haikus:

Lets try winter basketball
The summer sun chars my skin and burns me and stuff
Hold on. We should play dodgeball

Gin and tonic please.
We are all out of tonic.
Well that really blows.

Klaatu Barata-
That sentence is trademarked! It's
cool. I bought the rights.

I'm doing my work
please turn off that T.V. set.
No mom. Go to hell.

Farmer in the dell.
If he knows what's good for him
He'll get the fuck out.

Four score and twenty
Which is really just five score
Five score years ago...

Hey mom check this out
I challenge you to readthis
and not laugh, jackass.

Television ads
take up too much time for me
to enjoy Frasier.

I bought it at Ross.
Why would you do that? We are
supposed to be friends.

Granny wants you dead.
She can afford good lawyers.
Here, hide in this box.

I could drink at air
ports, but where is the fun? Who
will I vomit on?

For whom the bell tolls?
It probably tolls for some
asshole wearing jeans.

I heard you found Christ.
He was at Ralphs, buying cans
of Spaghetti-ohs.

Whoa whoa hold on there!
You can't come in here unless
you're wearing a tie.

So you're telling me
I can get this much ice cream
for just a dollar?

Five syllable line
A seven syllable line
Same as the first line

Short sleeves are bad for
cold weather climates such as
Scandinavia.

Western Sahara
is not a country. Who gave
it a fucking flag?

Solomon Grundy
was born on Monday June sixth
to loving parents.

Fiscal year reports
don't hold my attention when
I'm trying to poop.

Where the hell are you?
Jesus Christ John step on it.
I don't have all night.

More torque less filling.
I don't care how tasty your
fucking pickup is.

Fear me if you must
just leave me alone when I'm
eating a bagel.

Whatcha talkin bout?
There was no sex in Star Wars.
Bitches be frigid.

I wish I was tall.
I can't see past this fat guy.
Why all the cat ears?

Fifteen dollars please.
Here's a twenty. Do you have
a ten and a five?

This is short notice
but mike is taking me for lunch.
Who the fuck is mike?

Half-off cover price!
All books half off cover price!
All trade paperbacks!

_______________________________________________

Times I had to alter course due to sleazy cunts photographing Slave Leia in a crowded intersection: 5.

(X/Y) = 1.
X - Number of steampunks seen
Y - Number of steampunks I wanted to hit.

Best new band name - Hitler's Starfish

Shameful ploys

2008-10-21T00:50:00.001-07:00

2008-07-26T02:25:00.001-07:00

Hey Euhana. Where are good places to get ice cream around here?

Possible promise maybe.

2008-06-01T23:15:00.000-07:00

I have jury duty tomorrow morning. I'll try to come up with issues French and Russian for Hip Global. Not promising nothing though. Maybe.

Not that anyone cares or anything.

Under the Iron Sky

2008-05-30T04:13:00.000-07:00

I am breaking my No-Youtube Policy for the first time to show you this.
You'll understand why.

The film's official website.

Hip Global #1: Hungary

2008-05-25T02:33:00.001-07:00

Deploying countermeasures...

2008-05-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

While we're on the topic.
Any ideas to finish this?

And yeah I know the first one is lame.

Hip Global

2008-05-23T19:55:00.000-07:00

Last night I set up an account at BlogPatrol.com, a website that specializes in tracking web traffic to your site. I did this to see if updating this website is even worth my time. The results were shocking...

The service presents hits for the day, total hits and projected hits for the near future.

These figures were about 15 more than I was expecting. Aw well. That's cool.

BlogPatrol also tells you other demographic detail such as what operating systems your visitors are using, what browser they use and what their screen resolution is.

Sweet. But here's what confused me. According to this figure 13 of my 15 visitors all came to my site via Google search.

To be more specific (according to another unpictured figure), their search led them to my horribly written and hilariously biased review of No More Heroes. I've since tried Google searching for the page without using the words Hip and Gnosis but to no avail.

Now if the previous point confused me, this one surprised me. BlogPatrol also tracks the global location of visitors.

Yeah. That's six visitors from Europe who all searched for my review. I'm not quite sure why. But I do know one thing...

I'VE GONE INTERNATIONAL!

More updates as they come.

Edit: Upon publishing this I checked the stats again and I now have a hit from India.

Like a fox.

2008-05-18T03:31:00.000-07:00

Why you should be reading comic books. Part 3

2008-05-14T22:28:00.000-07:00

Taken from The Goon Color Special #1
Antagonism and Squid by: Eric Powell

52%...?

2008-05-13T15:14:00.000-07:00

Two weeks down. Two weeks to go motherfucker!

tick tick tick tick tick

2008-05-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hayflick_limit

"The Hayflick limit is the number of times a cell will divide before it stops due to the telomere reaching a critical length.

It was discovered by Leonard Hayflick in 1965, when Hayflick demonstrated that normal human cells in a cell culture divide about 52 times before entering a senescence phase (refuting the contention by Alexis Carrel that normal cells are immortal). Each mitosis shortens the telomere appendix on the DNA of the cell, thus ticking back an "inner clock" for each subsequent copy of the cell."

"Hayflick demonstrated that normal human cells in a cell culture divide about 52 times before entering a senescence phase"

"human cells in a cell culture divide about 52 times"

"52 times"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ch-ch-BLAOW!

2008-05-05T01:04:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of getting a firearm for my birthday in November.

Perhaps a Single Action Army?
Or maybe a Colt1911?

Too many choices!

On the subject of students...

2008-04-29T02:38:00.000-07:00

Why are colleges so adverse to letting me give them money?

I got denied from both of my desired Summer courses because of pre-reqs they didn't tell me about until today. I'm not even allowed to sign up for them. Are they afraid I'll fail? Even then... if I fail the class, I have to pay them again to retake it.

Why is this so hard for them to grasp?

It's a wonder I'm still a student.

2008-04-29T02:30:00.000-07:00

Psych 101:
Prompt - Write a brief letter to one of the personality theorists, telling them why you like (or dislike) their theory and it's relevance (or irrelevance) today.

Dear Mr. Fraud

First I would like to commend you and your comrades on developing a form of fascist thought policing so subtle that people actually believe you're medical science. We can all just be glad you didn't apply yourself to something actually tangible.

Second I would like to let you know that you are number two on my time-travel hit list. And that's a very close second behind the number one Sylvia Plath. Watch yourself man. I know where you lived.

If you haven't noticed yet, I hate you. I've yet to meet a cocaine addict I can trust with my lunch, let alone my cranium. But what I hate more are your crackpot teachings. Let's look at your id/ego nonsense. All you did was change the names of conscious and unconscious then rode in on horseback like you were the hero. I doubt what I just said was right, but you're a psychoanalyst, so I have more doubts in your validity.

Now to what really pisses me off. This Oedipus complex. Seriously. What the hell is your problem? Did you lose a bet? Was this the product of trying to make yourself seem cool and revolutionary so women would actually look at you? I'm tempted to go with that last one. Seeing as everything about your work was sex sex sex. Oh yeah. Psychology burns the other way around, don't it?

Okay. I'm sick of thinking about your stupid face. Burn in hell.

Sincerely,
"Iron Curtain"

P.S. If you're so great, how come you're dead?

Note this was for the online discussion forum. This was not submitted as an assignment.

I'll try to make a real post soon.

2008-04-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

I'll do it!

2008-03-29T03:59:00.001-07:00

I think I'm going to drop out of school to enroll in a magician academy. Thoughts?

Yet again...

2008-03-29T01:16:00.000-07:00

More Things I Hate:

Pacific White-Sided Dolphins
Teardrop Butterflyfish
The Buick Open
Yuan-Ti
The Parker Brothers
More Pacific White-Sided Dolphin

OYL

2008-03-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

College Scoreboard

School	Pros	Cons
UC Irvine	-Very well organized -Has my desired major -Close to home -Well stocked comic shop -Seems active -Close to Disneyland -Nice housing -Aesthetically pleasing	-Housing locations are weird -No Coke or Dr. Pepper on Campus -Having a car kinda blows.
UC Davis	-Pretty as hell -Has my major -Excellent geology program -Really nice advisors -The town is nice	-500 miles away -Have to get off-campus housing -Will only let me apply Fall 2009
Cal Poly SLO	-Nothing	-Everything
McKenna	-I could off-campus major -Will let me apply for this fall -Close to home -On-campus housing	-Looks drab -Does not have my major -Filled with bros
Pomoma	-Only Claremont school with my major -Uber-pretty -Filming location of Gilmore Girls -Close to home -On-campus housing	-Will only let me apply Fall 2009 -Application deadline was 3 days before I got there. Seriously what the fuck people?
Pitzer	-I could off-campus major -Will let me apply for this fall -Close to home -On-campus housing	-Fucking hippies -FUCKING HIPPIES -FUCKING HIPPIES -Does not have my major
UC Los Angeles (Have not toured yet)	N/A	N/A
UC San Diego (Have not officially toured)	-Closest to home	-Everyone is telling me not to go there

strawberry cheesecake

2008-03-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

Will someone please tell me what the fuck the appeal of the psych major is?

No exceptions

2008-03-19T14:19:00.000-07:00

Spring resolutions:

Murder every motherfucker who has stood in my way
Murder every motherfucker who has stood in my way
Murder every motherfucker who has stood in my way
Murder every motherfucker who has stood in my way

It can't end this way

2008-03-13T13:09:00.000-07:00

About to drive up to Davis.

God this is going to suck so hard.

Cinquante Deux

2008-03-10T00:34:00.000-07:00

Ever since May 2nd (5/2), 2007 when I finished reading the last chapter of DC Comics' year long weekly publication "52", I've noticed the magic number has been appearing in my life rather frequently. So from here on in every time the number 52 enters my life, I will share it with you.

-March 10th - 00:34 - The forum for my online psychology class.

-When this semester is over, the amount of units I'll have taken will be 52.

Why you should be reading comic books Part 2

2008-03-09T05:59:00.000-07:00

Taken from Seaguy #1
Insanity by Grant Morrison
Horse splatter by Cameron Stewart

My Fellow Americans

2008-03-07T23:54:00.001-08:00

Yeah.

I think I like Avril Lavigne.

Yeah.

For whom the ring tones

2008-02-29T22:13:00.001-08:00

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce to all of you that Twitchy, my cellular phone of four years, has passed on. He was pronounced dead on the evening of February 29 at 10:06 PM. Doctors speculated that his battery finally gave in on the fourth ring whilst trying to call Lauren Rasmussen.

"It was just too much for the little guy" Dr. Franz Kieffer said as he pulled the sheet over the deceased.

Friends of Twitchy remember him as being a good sport and resilient.

"He had to put up with a lot. He by no means had an easy life. He was dropped, chewed on, and left on for weeks at a time" told long-time friend and colleague Clicky the Computer Mouse.

He was more than just a phone to me. Him and I have been through more than a boy and his phone should ever have to. He's seen me at my best and worst, and treated me with the same honor and respect through both. I bought him to connect me to my friends and loved ones, but in the end he brought me in touch with myself, and always with five bars.

Thank you and goodbye Twitchy.
I'll never forget you.

R.I.P.

And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
will always...
LOVE YOOOOUUUU

Why you should be reading comic books. Part 1

2008-02-29T09:25:00.000-08:00

Taken from Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E. #9

Words by Warren Ellis
Pretty pictures by Steve Immonen

It's in your house...

2008-02-27T20:45:00.000-08:00

The Automotivator

Adventures in Poetry

2008-02-27T00:36:00.001-08:00

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by, and now I have no idea where the hell I am I took advise from Robert Frost And now I'm fucking lost What a douchebag

WUNDERBAR!

2008-02-25T22:50:00.000-08:00

(Please excuse some formatting issues - Blogger kinda blows).

As you may or may not have guessed, I'm a fan of something called comic books. Every February in San Francisco, Comic-Con International sets up an event called WonderCon. Imagine the San Diego convention but about a fifth the size. Coincidently, my older sister moved to San Francisco two years ago. Long story short, my parents and I packed our bags and traveled to the great white north.

Thursday – February 21^st

My family and I got picked up from our house by a shuttle surface at around 4:00 PM. The driver is delightfully ethnic, Turkish to be exact. I only understand half of his words but that's enough to put a grin on my face. While passing Thurgood Marshall Middle School, the driver points out that Thurgood is the English spelling of a common Turkish name. I take his word for it. Upon being dropped off at the airport, I ask my mom to remind me to make more Turkish friends.

The airport was fairly uneventful, as they usually are. A woman waiting for the same flight has a small yappy dog. It would have been adorable if I didn’t think it was a child at first. The plane ride was slightly delayed due to the weather in San Francisco. My mom was upset that I didn't hold her hand during take-off and landing. But that's what she gets for dancing in her seat.

The man who drove us to our hotel was equally ethnic but not as funny. He seemed like some cross between Japanese and Italian; at least based on mannerisms and accent. We got dropped off at the hotel at around 9:00 or so. To get to the room we have to take two elevators and navigate a Thesian labyrinth. But at least the TV is a high-def flat screen. My dad and I watch Adult Swim for a while and the family goes to bed. Well that was the plan…

Friday – February 22^nd

"It’s like there’s a party in my mouth and I’m going to murder my family. I’m currently holing myself in the hotel bathroom because my father’s snoring resembles a jet engine with some loose parts. I brought a portable CD-player and headphones for just such an emergency; but I have to turn the volume up so loud to drown out my father that it completely defeats the purpose. Note to self (and all of you): NOTHING is relaxing past 100 decibels, not even Stars. Another problem is my mother, whom is currently serving as the buffer between myself and blind, sleep-deprived patricide. Like most women of parental age, my mother wears a nightgown. The catch here is that it tends to ride up or ride down in all the wrong places. So now I’m limited as to wear I can rest my head. I can still hear him snoring in here as well as I could back in the main room. Jesus motherfuck this is insane. To calm me down, here are some other things that piss me off:

1. Epic chanty move trailer music - Wagner and Orff are dead, and your Casio keyboard and Latin choir aren't going to change that. The next time I hear "O Fortuna" outside of Carmina Burana, I will murder the closest person to me regardless of friendship or affiliation.

2. Techno remixes - If you really need me to explain why, try swallowing some drain cleaner.

3. Jacques-Louis David and Neo-Classicism - Yeah it's impressive. But it's also boring as all hell.

4. Acoustic guitar singer/songwriters - No real explanation.

The motherfucker is still snoring!

5. People who laugh because something is "omg so random!" - This my friends is the reason we haven't heard a new joke in years. You all have my orders to shoot on sight. How will comedy advance if comedy writers can make us all laugh by depecting a rabbit being kicked in the head by bar of soap trained in the art of nin-jitsu. That's not particularly random but I'm tired and pissed so fuck you (except Euhana).

6. Heroes (TV Show) - Great idea that got fucked over by audience pressures. Now it's just stalling until it can find a plot twist that works.

7. Fuckers who ask "What gives us the right?" - We did! Next question.

8. Knowing that no one will read this. - Seriously. Fuck y'all (again except Euhana).

With that my fine ladies and gents, I bid you goodnight. I'm going to do some reading until I pass out. night y'all. And may the lord smile."

My father was able to redeem himself in the morning by referring to himself as a "stupid dildo". I forgot why he said it. He and I go to the convention center and get our badges/tickets then wander around before it opens. We head to a shopping center nearby where there is an entire room devoted to claw prize games.

Right next to the convention center is a toy store that sells luchador masks. I am certain that I will be back. At 11:30 AM my dad and I head back to the convention center. I can't get the Nutcracker Suite out of my head.

So now begins the convention itself, the reason I set foot in this city in the first place. Attendees of the annual San Diego conventions would feel right at home. The main floor consists almost entirely of useless overpriced bric-a-brac. It’s going to be a great weekend. As is the norm, the comic books are condemned to the time out corner so the more mainstream entertainment can take center stage. This unfortunately put me on the fringe for most of the convention. This means that I had to constantly rub elbows with forty year old men whom had just purchased illustrations of Japanese schoolgirls being penetrated by not one, not two, but eight or more extra terrestrial phalluses. All in day’s work.

At around 2:00 I return to the hotel to drop off all the stuff I wasted my money on. I realize that San Francisco smells like sewage and marijuana. I return again at 5:00 because I’m done for the day. At around 7:00 my sister shows up and we spend the next hour trying to decide what to do for dinner. We eventually decide – wait a minute this is boring. That night the saga continues. My dad snores like crazy, but for some reason I was able to sleep with little trouble.

Saturday – February 23^rd

That’s it. I decide to get a luchador mask. My mom agrees to come with me. To pump myself up I put a CD containing T.I.’s “Hurt” into the hotel room CD player. My mom danced to it. Mother and son together at last. I end up getting two masks; one for each of my lucha libre personas Senor Bueno and Viejo Halcon. I go to the convention again where more of the same happens. I get a birthday present for a friend of mine and that’s pretty much the highlight of the day. More dinner with my sister and parents, this time at my sister’s pizzeria on Haight Street. My sister has dreads, what a no good bitch. My parents and I take a taxi back to the hotel. The driver is not ethnic in the slightest. Again my father snores like a jet engine. I return to the bathroom to write something far too existential to share.

Sunday – February 24^th

This is about the point where I kinda stopped writing stuff down. I spend only an hour or so at the convention. It’s the last day and I’m tired of it. I finish my business and return to the hotel. My family watches the Oscars and we go to bed. Seriously. That was it. Jesus Christ my life is boring.

Monday – February 25^th

Taxi – Airport – Waiting – Airplane – Window seat - Airport – Baggage claim – Shuttle – Ambiguously ethnic driver - Home.

And that’s all she (I) wrote.

I should be sleeping.

2008-02-20T03:52:00.000-08:00

Other things I should be doing:

Picking a college major.
Packing for San Francisco.
Reading all those books I haven't read yet.
Being more accommodating of others' ways of thinking.
Cleaning my room.
Ending all my sentences with proper punctuation
Slowly slipping into obscurity/oblivion.
Ending world hunger.
Ending the world.
Caring.
Seriously. Caring about anything.
Staying on topic.
Watching Rocky and Bullwinkle.
Researching Lucha Libre.

Strictly Plutonic

2008-02-17T04:13:00.000-08:00

Gerald: I think I may have the weirdest fetish ever.
Bill: Why? What turns you on?
Gerald: Girls wearing striped shirts.
Bill: Gneiss.

3...2...1... OH NO

2008-02-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

Things I would like to do before I die:

Win the Iditarod
Record the heaviest album EVER.
One-on-One fight to the death with Heidi Klum, symbolizing the final battle between order and chaos.
Actually finish a Final Fantasy game, preferably #6.
Visit Moscow
Spend a minimum of twelve hours in Disneyland all by myself
Lead rebel forces to victory
Subvert normality
Kill all hippies

And now for something completely different.

2008-02-06T00:37:00.000-08:00

Title: No More Heroes – Nintendo Wii

Publisher: Ubisoft

Developer: Grasshopper Manufacture

Release Date: January 22^nd, 2008

Notable Personnel: Written and Directed by Goi chi Suda (“Suda 51”)

For the past six months or so, anyone who asked me what I thought was holding back the videogame medium would have been met with the same answer: Japanese home console games. Japanese game developers have been living by the philosophy of if it ain’t broke don’t fix it; which is precisely why the Zelda, Mario and Final Fantasy franchises haven’t seen the slightest goddamn bit of change or innovation since they all went 3-D a decade ago. Of course there have been exceptions (Shadow of the Colossus) but for 99% of games from the land of the rising sun, my point remains valid. Fast forward to last weekend when my copy of No More Heroes arrived in the mail from Amazon.com. I was an hour into the game when I lowered my head, closed my eyes and whispered to myself under my breath.

“I’m sorry Japan. I take it back.”

There’s something I find very perplexing about the game’s title. It is correct in that there are no heroes; each character you encounter is an amoral psychopath who would murder their own mother for pay or play. But outside in the real world, No More Heroes has given me a hero in its writer/director Suda 51. The tables have turned. I am now hoping Suda will show us Americans how it’s done. He is my one hope against the American Hollywood blockbuster style games (Gears of War and Halo 3) of recent years. That said; let’s get to the actual game.

No More Heroes is a 3^rd person (The camera trails behind the player) action game that puts you in control of Travis Touchdown, a newbie hitman living in Santa Destroy, a fictional town in Southern California. The story goes that after spending all of his money on a hot date with a woman he met at a “Deathmatch Bar”; he accepts an assassination job to pay his rent. Travis disposes of the target with his weapon of choice, a beam katana (lightsabre) he purchased on an online auction. Immediately after the fight Travis is approached by his date from the night prior. She informs him that the man he just killed was the 11^th best hitman in the United Assassins Association (UAA) and that Travis now has challenging rights to the top 10. Under the promise that she’ll have sex with him, Travis sets out to claim the #1 spot.

The road to #1 composes the majority, if not the entirety of the game’s storyline and gameplay. There are ten missions, each culminating in a boss battle with a ranked assassin. The missions are fairly straight forward. You cleave your way through roughly a hundred million goons in a themed arena, collecting power-ups and hidden secrets until you reach the boss of the stage. Each boss is unique and compelling; both in personality and strategy. Each assassin on his/her own can put the entire cast of Metal Gear Solid to shame in terms of quirk and bizarre. The combat is simple, but polished. The bulk of the combat involves repeatedly hitting the A button to swing the beam katana at some unlucky sucker. Once the unlucky sucker’s life bar has been depleted the game will pause and show a directional arrow on the screen. Swinging the Wii-remote in this direction will execute a gnarly finishing move worthy of the black knight from Holy Grail. Everytime you execute a finishing move, a slot machine graphic will appear at the bottom of the screen. If three matching icons come up, you’ll enter “Dark Side Mode” where the carnage will increase exponentially for a short while. However the enemies have this annoying tendency to block some of your attacks. When this happens the B button will have Travis kick the bastard and stun him. Hitting B again will grapple him. Two directional arrows will appear on the screen: one for the remote and one for the nunchuck. Following the instructions will have Travis slam his opponent lucha nibre style leaving the chump open for a coup-de-grace. Boss battles work in a similar fashion, except they take a lot more hits to bring down. Also each battle has its own special quirk or two which I’ll leave you to discover and experience.

When the boss is finally brought down, usually with less limbs then he started with, we’re brought back to Travis’ cheap motel. Here we can save, change Travis’ clothes and weapons and even play with his cat Jeane. When Travis walks out the door he finds himself smack dab in the middle of Santa Destroy. The objective of the city sections is almost always to earn enough money to pay the entrance fee for the next ranked assassin battle. Money can be earned in several ways. Travis’ beam katana can dig into the ground and unearth buried treasure. However this way is terribly inefficient and I’m curious what the reasoning behind it was. The second way, and my most common method of making money is taking on smaller side combat missions. Each side mission has its own objectives but usually wind up being kill as many people as you can in this amount of time missions. Unfortunately by the end of the game these side fights all blend together because there’s nothing really that special about any of them. Additional depth and length to them would have been much appreciated. The third way to make cash moneys in Santa Destroy is performing part time jobs. While the rest of the game is unadulterated carnage, these part time jobs often have you performing tasks like picking fruit, pumping gas and mowing lawns. Santa Destroy is not just a place to earn money though. In town Travis can buy new clothes, purchase upgrades to his weapons and improve his stats. Travis gets around town on his motorcycle, the Schpel Tiger. The mammoth of a bike looks like a cross between the Batmobile from Batman Begins and Shotaro Kaneda’s bike from Akira. The handling on the bike is sluggish and it often gets stuck on world objects. But for getting around town it works most of the time.

Except for the shops, missions, the save point (There’s only one in the overworld) and a few funny signs, Santa Destroy is completely empty. The city has no personality and the walking pedestrians and passing cars have even less. But don’t jump to conclusions. The city seems almost normal, a little empty, but ordinary looking; which only makes the absurdly lunatic storyline and characters stand out more. While I’m here I figure I should let you know that with NMH, Suda 51 is on top of his game.

There is no dead air here. Everything NMH has to offer is worth seeing. Every line spoken by the top notch cast is either cynically badass, hilarious, or both. The sound effects work perfectly in the world of Santa Destroy. The beam katana sounds just like a lightsabre from one of the original Star Wars movies. The entire game is decorated with beeps and blips dating from 80s arcade machines. Nothing in this game sounds real, and I mean that as a compliment. Nothing looks real either. Suda utilized a similar cel-shading effect that he used in his previous game Killer7. The characters look low-polygon and blocky. The menu and heads up display are made of pixilated graphics and banners that look older than I am. In short, it looks like a videogame.

Now to my favorite part of No More Heroes. No More Heroes is a videogame and it knows that. It doesn’t try to be an “interactive movie” or anything like that. And just to make sure you know that, the game occasionally breaks the fourth wall; especially so during the downright fantastic ending. Unlike the more sophisticated “better” games that you find on the western videogame market, in NMH it feels like the development team had as much fun making the game as you do playing it. The whole experience feels personal. I wanted to reach the top just as much as Travis did, which is a difficult experience to create. Another review of this game I read calls No More Heroes “[a] love letter to videogames that never grows old, tired, or dull.” This is true. However I’m going to take it a step further. No More Heroes is more than just a love letter to videogames. It’s a love letter to videogamers too. The game is filled with references and jokes that only a true nerd would understand. This game was handcrafted for gamers who scour their local Gamestop looking for that $9.99 game that no one’s ever heard of. Those of you who camped out for an Xbox 360 just to play Halo 3 are going to feel a little left out, but the wanton carnage should satisfy you. No More Heroes is an anthem to everyone who ditched their senior prom to watch a Star Trek marathon (for the record I went to two proms and have the pictures to prove it). No More Heroes is the first game for the Nintendo Wii that feels as wacky and innovative as the platform itself.

No More Heroes is the game that officially restored my faith in a medium that I feel has been letting me down for the past year. If you haven’t guessed it already I wholeheartedly recommend NMH; especially to seasoned gamers who’ve been playing since childhood. The more casual of you who play Wii Sports and Guitar Hero from time to time may not be as crazy about it as I was. However the spectacular script, combat and pacing should keep you satisfied for the 10-15 hours you’ll spend playing this game. Just be sure to get the “real ending.”

This game receives 1 out of 1 “I like it!’s”.

(Two-thousand) 1.01

2008-01-30T22:31:00.000-08:00

A new comic (God I hate that word) was supposed to go here. However halfway through producing it I realized it was of low quality and lower humor. Plus it was centered around a pun. Ewwww. So in lieu of its absence I shall try to use its space for something funnier or more enlightening. Here goes.

I'm tempted to insert "Sammich Tale Number One" a short story I wrote around three years ago then go do something else. But I like to hold myself to higher standards than that.

Fuck it.
____________________________________________________

Sammich Tale Number One
October 20th, 2004

Okay.  So there's this guy walking along the road.  He's just walking along,
minding his own business.  Not a single care in the world whatsoever.  When all of a
sudden, this sandwich jumps out from the shadows.
"Give me all your money!" demands the sandwich.
"I'm not afraid of you.  You're just a sandwich." Replies the man.
"Fool!  I am the Almighty!" shrieks the sandwich.
"Oh yeah?" questions the man.
"Oh yeah" affirms the sandwich.
With that, the man lunges at his mugger.  However, he is quickly impaled upon a
toothpick.  Apparently it was a club sandwich.
____________________________________________________________

Wait. That gives me an idea.

And now without further adieu...
_____________________________________________________

Sammich Tale Number Two
January 30th, 2008

Behind every man now alive there stands a hundred sandwiches, for that is the ratio by which the sandwich outnumbers the living. Ever since fate blessed our world and species with life, approximately six-hundred and fifty billion sandwiches have walked the Earth.
Our story begins in Africa, where we would one day call Tanzania. But this is not our story. This is their story...
Alone on the summit of Kilimanjaro there lived a primitive sandwich; with only two slices of whole wheat and one strip of bacon to his composure. Yes he could hardly be considered a culinary masterpiece, but the odds were stacked against him. You see he was the first of his kind. Sandwich Prime.
Prime was a curious sandwich. This day he decided to descend from his summit to see what else there was to his world. As he made his way down to ground level he saw no other life. He thought there must surely be something else out there.
By the sun's apex on the third day, Prime had reached ground level. He gazed off into the horizons all around him to choose his following move. Then he got impaled on a toothpick because apparently he was a club sandwich.
_______________________________________________

I'm tired. Deal with it.

For those about to ROCK!

2008-01-29T21:12:00.000-08:00

Rockin' Band Names

METAL:

Induced Miscarriage
Postpartum Obsession
In-Utero Knife Fight
Punching Bags Don't Bleed
Public Displays of Affliction

Indie rock:

Allergy Convention
NostraFamous
Cuticle Boy
Jane Bossten
Yesterday's Infants

Emo:

No Turn on Red
Summer at Grandma's
White as Snow
Wedding Tears
One Last Bullet

Other:

Matt Louv and the look at me I'm a big stupid.

Hey Euhana. What's up?

2008-01-29T00:35:00.000-08:00

Today (yesterday) I learned:

The flush toilet is a British invention.
Swiss infantry squares ain't nothin' to fuck with
Bass guitar capos are different from standard guitar capos

Best part of today: Woke up and my hair was still smooth from the washing last night.

See where you rank!

2008-01-28T19:26:00.000-08:00

Types of people I hate:

People who refer to things as "old school" (eg: old school nintendo, old school nickelodeon, old school rap).
People who walk in the bike lane when there's a sidewalk several inches next to them.
Individuals who "refuse to submit to the corporate machine".
Activists. Yes. All of them.
Fans of a particular music group who like that group way too much.
Korean gamers
The cast of Friends
Dutch natives
Harry Potter fanatics
Dutch Harry Potter fanatics
Facilitators of Harry Potter fanatics

More to be added as hated.

AND HIPPIES

Come here mama....and dig this crazy scene

2008-01-27T01:05:00.000-08:00

Author's note - The boxes read "Bag 'Em and Bag 'Em"

With apologies to John Campbell

2007-10-19T02:59:00.001-07:00

Total Request HipGnosis

2007-06-08T23:01:00.001-07:00

I used to update this thing three times a day. Now I'm lucky if I do it once a month. Don't get me wrong, I love doing this. But the thing is, I'm usually at a loss for words with this thing. And what ideas I do get are usually too ambitious for an amateur such as myself. So here's the pitch. Tell me whatcha wanna see. I'll do my best to satisfy.

Seriously. Try me.

This is your last warning.

2007-04-27T02:01:00.000-07:00

A cry for help

2007-04-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

I'm half tempted to give someone else* access to this. I am seriously losing my edge.

*Not Matt Louv

Why do we fall?

2007-04-08T03:26:00.000-07:00

This is my day in one rushed, haphazard Fireworks piece.

The laws of motion.

2007-02-27T17:03:00.000-08:00

Award-Winning Software!

2007-02-22T21:51:00.000-08:00

Yo soy Napoleon

2007-01-22T20:53:00.000-08:00

Introducing... Frigid Girl!

2006-10-24T21:53:00.000-07:00

Don't ask me why it's red.

Edit: Goddamnit. My scanner is scanning everything red. I may have to go digital from now on.

Further edit: Haha. A scanner darkly. Haha.

Even further edit: The red tint is because of my scanner's thirst... FOR BLOOD!

Fucker!

2006-09-02T00:15:00.000-07:00

2006-08-28T03:52:00.000-07:00

I should probably update this.

People want to laugh!

2006-08-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

Groundbreaking

2006-08-06T02:26:00.000-07:00

Matt Louv is Gay:
The HipGnosis Movie

The sequel has been greenlit. Estimated release date, next week or sooner.

Chaos Sanctuary

2006-08-05T02:13:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry. I thought this would be a lot funnier.

The power of will.

2006-07-31T02:43:00.000-07:00

The full sized version.

Where the magic happens.

2006-07-29T03:19:00.000-07:00

And now the finished product...

Might I add this was done with good ol' fashion Fireworks. None of that ComicLife shit.

The return of DJ Fleece

2006-06-18T02:25:00.000-07:00

BEW BEW BEW!

2006-05-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

WOMEN!!!

2006-05-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

Sounds kinda dirty.

2006-05-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

I'll be funnier next time. I promise.

Like a Phoenix from the ashes?!!?

2006-05-05T03:49:00.000-07:00

We may have something here.

New Recruits

2006-03-18T02:41:00.000-08:00

Finished page four. I have no idea how long this will be.

However, while I have your attention; I have a request to make.

You see, Dark Horse Comics is starting it's annual New Recruits Contest.
This means regular chumps like me have an oppurtunity to get their shit looked at by professionals and potentially published.

Slight problem, in order to enter this contest, one must submit a finished work. Writing and art and what not. I could draw it; but that's probably not a good idea.

Here's where you come in. Anyone interested in drawing? Your name would go on the product and your work would get looked at as well.

The deadline for finished work is December 31st, 2006. So there is still a lot of time. But man, this would be totally sweet.

Perhaps there will be more.

2006-03-12T04:51:00.000-08:00

I'm currently working on my most ambitious project yet. I'm writing the script right now. Though chances are I won't be able to draw it. But we'll see. This should be pretty cool. I've been writing for the past fifty minutes or so; and I'm not even done with the second panel of the first page yet.

More to come.

2006-03-03T00:49:00.000-08:00

You guys missed it. Awesome fight scene, everyone died. No more comic.

Sorry to all of you who found out about this through Historical Landmark.

No I'm not.

Burn in hell.